Heather

I worked at a clothing store for a few months earlier this year. Although I didn’t like the job particularly, I loved the people I worked with. I’ve just finished my junior year at college and had to quit my job to survive exams and final projects during the last months of the semester. Junior year as a whole was insanely difficult. I was dealing with not only an overload of school work and difficult classes, but an unhealthy relationship with a boy in my life. Between the two, it was nice to escape to my job, which was easy and exceptionally boring.

One of my bosses was a 25-year-old named Heather. She seemed to be much older than I was since she was my superior, but in reality, she was only my sisters age. We talked sometimes when we closed together and one day, she shared something very personal with me.

Heather told me that her current boyfriend, who she had been with for two years, was an alcoholic. I wasn’t surprised, and most people at work new that Heather was involved in a bit of a scary relationship, she never tried to disguise it. But the details that Heather began to spill, startled and scared me. Not only was her boyfriend an alcoholic, but he was extremely abusive and from her stories, I began to wonder if he was mentally unstable. She told me that night that she was moving out but she would always be there for him, despite everything. I was shocked and asked her why. She told me that he was her best friend and even if she wasn’t his lover anymore, she would never turn her back on a best friend. I was obviously appalled and couldn’t understand how she could remain devoted to an abusive man. Clearly he wasn’t a best friend if he beat her up. Two weeks later, I learned that she never left him and she was still not only his best friend, but his lover as well.

The other day, I closed with Heather again and she rattled off another list of crazy things that her boyfriend had done. He had no desire to seek help or go to rehab, things were not looking up. She told me she was leaving this time. Actually leaving. I went home that night and searched online for single women around Heathers age, who were looking for roommates. I found one and sent Heather the number immediately. Nothing ever became of the situation and as far as I know, Heather is still with her abusive boyfriend.
After hearing her story, I began to wonder, how such a beautiful young woman, who was my boss and seemingly had her life together, could be stuck in such an awful situation. I knew this situation was familiar to many women all over the world, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Heathers situation hit closer to home than I ever imagined.

I was in the middle of a sticky, complicated and nothing even close to healthy relationship of three years. Although the boy I was with had never laid an angry finger upon me, he also didn’t treat me the way, deep down inside, I knew I deserved to be treated. One evening, both of us arrived at his house late at night, we were laughing and joking together, happier than we had been in quite a while. Together we entered his room, and to both of our surprise, there was a girl laying in his bed. I was immediately in tears and calling my friend to pick me up. He grabbed me, chased after me and tried to explain, claiming she was a friend and she was staying at his house because she couldn’t go home. I wanted to believe him more than anything. I wanted to think it was the truth and take him back, even just shrug it off and pretend like I didn’t care. But another part of me, the weaker part, thought about Heather. Am I really like Heather? Or can I be stronger than that? Whether your boyfriend is beating you, lying to you or cheating on you, why do so many women get caught in the crosshairs and sacrifice their happiness and self-respect to stay with men like this?

Heather’s situation, though it may still be going on, helped me to realize just how weak I was. I was really no different than her. I was being disrespected by a boy who wasn’t worth my time or energy, yet I could never leave him. What does it finally take to leave these men behind? Unfortunately for me, it took the misfortune of my boss, to realize just how horribly I was being treated, and how horribly I was treating myself by staying with him.